The Silver Linings Playbook Chapter 32

Letter 3-November 18, 2006Dear Nikki,As briefly as I read your letter, I had my m different check out The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn from the Collingswood Public Library. Eager to know a literary book with a happy ending, I read the entire work in one sitting, which required me to forgo sleep for an evening. I dont know if Tiffany read you the parts in my journal about my black friend Danny, just now this book would make him go wild, as Twain uses the n-word much than 200 times. I know this because after reading the first few chapters, I started over and unbroken a running tally. Every time Twain used the n-word, I make a ringer on a piece of paper, and when I finished the book, there were more than 200 marks Danny says that lone(prenominal) black people can use the n-word, which is sort of a universal truth nowadays, so I am surprised the school board allows you to teach such a book.But I did alike(p) the book very much. Even though Tom Sawyer should have told Jim he wa s free ripe(p) a style, I was so happy for Jim at the end of the novel when he gained his freedom. Also, the way that Huck and Jim stuck together through distressing times reminded me of Danny and Pat get each others book bindings in the bad place. What genuinely touch me was how Huck kept struggling with the idea that God did not want him to help Jim run away, because Jim was a slave. I realize people had different values back then, and that the church and government approved of slavery, but Huck really impressed me when he said if helping free Jim meant termination to hell, he would go to hell.When I read your letter, I cried for a long time. I know I was a bad husband, and I am not mad at you for cheating on me or leaving me or even remarrying. You deserve to be happy. And if you are married now, your getting back together with me would be a sin, because it would mean that we would be committing adultery, even though I still think of you as my wife. These thoughts make m e tactual sensation dizzy, as if I am spinning out of control. These thoughts make me want to bang my fist against the shortsighted white scar above my right eyebrow, which itches every time I get confused or agitated. To use your metaphor since I can remember, I have been driving on a dim highway, passing endless dashes and lines. Every amour else has only been a pit stop family, Eagles, dancing, my workouts. I have been driving toward you the hale time, only desiring one thing our reunion. And now I finally realize Im trying to woo a married woman, which I know is a sin. But I dont think you understand how hard I worked for this happy ending. I am very fit, and am now practicing being kind rather than right. I am not the man you were married to for all those lonely years. I am a discover man. A man who will take you dancing and will give up sports entirely coaching and Eagles if that makes you happy. My conscience tells me that I should not continue to pursue these feel ings, but your telling me to read Twains novel made me think that maybe you were giving me a sign. Huck thought he shouldnt help Jim escape, but he followed his heart, he freed Jim, and that is what led to the happy ending. So maybe you are telling me in an indirect way that I should follow my heart? Why else would you specifically recommend The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn to me?Also, our time together wasnt all bad. by chance the end was grim, but remember the beginning? Remember college? Remember when we drove to Massachusetts in the halfway of the nighttime? It was the Friday after midterms and we were watch one of those travel shows on PBS, because we both thought we would travel back then. All our friends had gone to the rugby house for a party, but we stayed in together for a night of pizza and wine on the couch of my town house. We were watching that show about whale watching off the coast of Marthas Vineyard, and you asked me if they made wine in Marthas Vineyard. I s aid the New England growing temper would be in like manner short to get the proper types of grapes, but you insisted that there must be a vineyard there if the island was called Marthas Vineyard. We had this really heated fake argument laughing and hitting each other with pillows and then suddenly we were in my old Taurus, driving north.Im sure you didnt think I was really going to drive you all the way to Massachusetts without a change of clothes or toiletries, but soon we were over the Tappan Zee Bridge, and you were smiling, and I was holding your hand. We never made it to Marthas Vineyard, but we spent a jolly wild weekend in an prudence motel just outside of blanket Cod. Do you remember locomote on the beach in March? Our lovemaking smelling like decades worth other peoples queer smoke as we enjoyed each other over and over in that motel room? Remember how when we jumped on the mattress, smoke seemed to leak out the sides? The lobster dinner we splurged for at that chee sy restaurant called Captain Bobs, where the waiters wore eye patches?We unceasingly said we were going to return to Massachusetts, take the ferry, and see if Marthas Vineyard actually had vineyards. Why didnt we do this then? Probably because we had class on Monday morning. But I wish we had taken that ferry when we had the chance. What was the worst thing that could have happened? We would have missed class. It seems so silly now to drive all the way to Cape Cod with the intention of taking the ferry to Marthas Vineyard only to spend the weekend in an economy motel on the mainland.What Im trying to say is that maybe we can still take the ferry, Nikki. Maybe its not too late.I know this is all so complicated right now. But there must be a causality that we are in contact again. in that respect must be a reason that I lost my memory and then was filled with a vicious need to improve myself. There must be a reason if Tiffany was able to arrange this letter exchange. All Im asking is that you go forward the possibility of a reunion open as we continue to communicate through our liaison.My therapist driblet says he feels as though I am poised for a breakthrough, and he feels he has stabilized my violent tendencies with medications. I know that in my writings I mentioned spitting out many of my meds when I first came home, but I am taking all my pills now and can feel my psychogenic health stabilizing. Every day I feel as though I am getting closer to regaining my memory of our demise. And no matter what I remember no matter what really happened between us it will not change how I feel about you. You are life with another man, you are remarried what could be worse? I still love you. I will continuously love you and am only now ready to prove my love for you.I hope this check off was concise enough, as I tried very hard to keep it under five pages and was successful. I miss you so much, Nikki. Every freckle on your beautiful nose.Love,Pat, Your Sexy St ud Muffin(Remember that from the wedding party video?)